I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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