You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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