Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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