Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
