So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
