yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
