Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
