new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
A+ Viking dick
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
