Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
