so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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