i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
