tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
