Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
