Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish I only lived at night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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