she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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