whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
