it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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