An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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