And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
