So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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