a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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