ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
is that a dick in a sweater?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
