Ambien. No doubt about it.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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