Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My life is pants optional.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
