I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
