My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
