this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
