I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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