NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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