worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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