She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
