He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
