Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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