She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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