I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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