He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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