I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
