ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
from now on my penis is your penis
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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