great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
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At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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