Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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