She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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