you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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