I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
