you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
