I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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