Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
