I'm really into asian looking animals
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
