I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
