I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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