Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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