you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
