I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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