You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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