someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
