Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
