dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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