ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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