best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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