If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
