I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
