I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
