Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
