we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
