Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
