i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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